sex ed : anal sex

By Phil Sheldon Comment Closed
a recent sex ed piece in Teen Vogue about Anal Sex, and the ensuing backlash from various groups made me think about how anal sex is still shamed in our culture(s). this shame/stigma can often be carried by the LGBTQ+ communities, and this may be expressed as ignorance/risky sexual practices, which may lead to increased risk to STIs/HIV, and also isolation from self/community. further, this can create a heteronormative parallel in the LGBTQ+ communites: orgasm and penetration (not necessarily penis/vagina penetration) become standardised practices, the thing we must get to in sex. particularly in gay communities, there is an often critical language around sexual rôles: passive/active role, hungry bottom, aggressive top, 'you top or bottom?' of course, this language, and these roles can be embraced and not shamed. however, whatever sexual community i find myself in, where are the shades of grey? how do i make my own sexual choices without feeling pressurised to conform to roles my community expects of me? maybe, i prefer...
Read More

sexual anxiety

By Phil Sheldon Comment Closed
how do i communicate my wants and desires during sex? do i know what these are? what are the barriers towards me communicating these? do i know why this is happening to me? do i know when this is happening to me? how does all this make me feel? these are some of the questions that may go through are heads during sex, but also before we've even got through the door (or maybe, before this, when we're out on a date even). understanding what happens to us and when can help us unlock some of our defences and look at what it means to be vulnerable during sex. ask yourself, do i actually talk about what i want, what we want, during sex? I like this article by Abi O'Donovan as it shows honestly how our histories can play out in new encounters, and how being vulnerable can be a path to greater understanding and meeting. http://integratesexandspirit.com/5-things-say-new-lover/...
Read More