Category: Uncategorized

‘How can the light that burned so brightly, suddenly burn so pale’ (Art Garfunkel / Bright Eyes) As I attempt to debrief myself after a recent break-up, I can’t help but think that this whole situation might feel a lot easier if I had not been so indoctrinated for most of my young and early adult life into romanticism. I’m thinking particularly about those aspects of romanticism where there has been an intensity to the encounter; that this intensity, then, takes on greater meaning than the actual physical behaviour or boundary the other sets: i.e. they exit. Even as a queer cisman, who has done a lot of unpacking around patriarchy, sexual and gender narratives, relationship deconstruction, setting boundaries in relationships whatever they look like (and respecting others’ boundaries also), I still wonder why this assumption crosses my mind: If you suddenly exit our intense ‘us’, surely you will come back. A few side notes: Relationship types Over time, a lot self-reflection and a...

common fears around going to counselling: is this the right time for me? how will i know? in life, it is never quite the right time. we are very good at giving ourselves excuses and putting things off so then we don't have to deal with the stuff. often, making small steps: researching therapists, finding out what therapists are in your area, maybe starting to tell friends/family about considering therapy (or not, if you prefer to keep yourself private), are all good indicators that you are preparing yourself for therapy. and making that next step might feel like the hard part. this is common for lots of people. to help, you can also request a short introduction session, or speak to the therapist by phone or Skype, put a name to a face before you start therapy. and of course, as human beings we can change our mind, and that's ok too. i don't want to talk to a stranger. it is my job...

we are almost always unprepared for death when it comes into our lives, and in whatever form it takes: a loved one, a friend, a child. and this can be compounded/shaped by the 'how': sudden death, suicide, death after a long illness. at that immediate point of loss, our lives can feel completely thrown into disarray, and we can feel utter loss, confusion and separation. this can also trigger our own feelings and fears around abandonment and being alone, our own death anxiety. additionally, feelings are often compounded by cultural expectations around how grief should be performed, and sometimes an unwillingness for people to be able to talk about the (messy) feelings around death, or even to talk at all. i started off my career as a trainee counsellor for a large bereavement charity. it taught me a lot about sitting with sadness, loss, and deep pain. it also taught me how to have patience with the unnavigatable, the unthinkable, and...